And these don’t come just from my online and client work-I’ve had my own troubles with boundaries nearly my entire life.

I’ve uncovered a bottomless pit of boundary issues! I knew that the only way to help more people sort through these problems was to compile the strategies I’ve learned into a book. Week after week, people have more questions about their struggles with communication in relationships. How do I tell them?”Īnswering all the questions I get on Instagram is impossible. I want to go to my partner’s family’s house instead. “My parents want me to come home for the holidays. “I can’t stop saying yes to my brother, who constantly asks to borrow money.” “My friends get drunk every week, and it makes me uncomfortable when I hang out with them. My direct messages overflow with notes like “Boundary issue, please help!” Weekly, I host Instagram Q&As, and 85 percent of the questions pertain to boundaries. The overwhelming response I see to these posts online shows me how much people relate to the need for boundaries.

You frequently daydream about dropping everything and disappearing.

You make comments about helping people and getting nothing in return.

You avoid phone calls and interactions with people you think might ask for something.

You feel resentment toward people for asking for your help.

My Instagram post “Signs That You Need Boundaries” went viral. Instagram has become a space for me to post a lot of what I see as a result of boundary issues. Yes, there’s aftermath when dealing with the discomfort and guilt that comes from asserting yourself.

Once they finish their tales of resentment, unhappiness, feeling overwhelmed, and cod pendency, I say to them gently, “You have an issue with boundaries.” With that, we begin the work of uncovering boundary violations, learning to communicate boundaries to others, and dealing with the aftermath of setting boundaries. When they walk in the door, boundary issues are disguised as issues with self-care, conflicts with other people, trouble with time management, or concerns about how social media impacts their emotional state.

People don’t come to therapy knowing they have boundary issues. I’ve been a therapist for fourteen years.

Nedra glover tawwab books